March 7, 2021

Ami Pandemi

Masih ingat betul malam itu tanggal 25 Januari 2021, gue memutuskan untuk menonton TV show yang diadakan tempat gue bekerja untuk pertama kalinya. All I knew that it was a big deal karena jumlah participants monthly product + tech kick-off pada bulan itutidak seperti biasanyajauh lebih banyak. Penyebabnya, tidak lain dan tidak bukan, bintang tamu TV show pada bulan itu yang adalah BTS dan Blackpink. Thus, it was all out of pure curiosity to watch their performance.

Gue pun membuat postingan IG stories tentang impresi cetek gue menonton penampilan BTS yang cuma sebatas, "bagus juga ya suaranya" dan "eh kok si itu cakep". Setelah itu isi DM IG gue pun lebih ramai daripada biasanya terutama oleh kakak-kakak senior army dan K-popers tentunya. Seeing me talking about K-pop was rather surprising to them.

Well, what can I say, I was just as surprised. I mean, I never thought I would enjoy listening to K-pop songs this much, let alone learning to sing in Korean (I even made 'rap in Korean' to be my long-term project haha). I must have had some kind of prejudice about the music and I am not proud of it.

Technically speaking, kali pertama gue nonton penampilan BTS itu sekitar akhir tahun 2021, lewat YouTube, di acara Tiny Desk Concert. I was like, "who are these Asians? They must be good to perform here. Let's give it a watch" (yes, I wasn't even aware it was THE BTS). I was really impressed, but that was it. I did not proceed to check out their profiles or their other songs.

However, the second time around was different. Gue mencoba mencari tahu who is who. Sempet bingung sih mau mulai navigasi dari mana, tapi beruntungnya gue punya temen-temen yang ngasih semacam matrikulasi ke gue. Dari video mereka jadi bintang tamu di Carpool Karaoke James Corden, penampilan langsung mereka di acara TV Amerika, sampai ke Bon Voyage. Bon Voyage season 4 lebih tepatnya, season terbaru pada saat itu. Acaranya ngeliput mereka liburan aja sebenernya. Gue tertarik nonton juga awalnya sesederhana karena di season 4 itu mereka ke New Zealand and I’ve always wanted to go there.

Di sinilah gue sadar gue mulai terperosok ke blackhole BTS karena gue sangat menikmati menonton Bon Voyage. Terbukti dari fakta bahwa gue bisa menyelesaikan 1 season itu hanya dalam 2 hari. Bon Voyage adalah acara yang bikin gue jadi tahu tentang personaliti mereka masing-masing yang ternyata emang lovable semua. Namun, ada salah satu bagian Bon Voyage di mana muncul momen “apakah ini yang dimaksud dia itu bias gue ya...?”.

It was this scene where the members got to decide on which activity they wanted to do and Kim Taehyung (stage name: V) chose to do horseback riding. Also, when they had a free time, V went to an art gallery alone. 

February 21, 2019

July 31, 2018

Kelinci & Konser


Jadi, Sabtu kemarin gue memutuskan untuk menyenangkan diri sendiri setelah 2 minggu terakhir berhasil produktif setiap hari layaknya orang kantoran. Ke Rumah Guguk dan Treasure Hunt Festival! :D

Udah lumayan lama gue pengin banget ke Rumah Guguk ini buat main sama kelincinya hahaha. Jadi ternyata Rumah Guguk ini terbagi menjadi 2 tipe, yaitu rumah & taman guguk. Tiket masuk masing-masingnya Rp 50.000,-. Gue memilih ke Taman Guguk karena hewan-hewannya lebih banyak (kelincinya ada 24 cyin, sedangkan kalau di Rumah Guguknya cuma ada 6). Guepun langsung ke taman kelincinya. Gue beli 1 plastik kecil isi wortel seharga Rp 10.000,-. Dan karena saat itu hanya gue satu-satunya pengunjung yang ada di taman kelinci dan para kelincinya sangat antusias dengan wortelnya, maka gue beli 4 plastik wortel lagi. Huhuhuhu seneng banget gue disana. Semacam relaksasi diri. Baydewey, kelinci adalah hewan peliharaan pertama gue pas masih kecil dulu. Gue dulu punya 5 ekor kelinci, 2 orangtuanya dan 3 lagi anak-anaknya yang gue kasih nama Cenil, Nila, dan Marak. Dua jam main sama kelinci di Taman Guguk ini bener-bener bikin gue pengin melihara kelinci lagi. :')


__



Terus ini. Treasure Hunt Festival 2018. Awalnya memang tertarik karena ada Sheila on 7 dan Mocca. Terus tertarik juga ikutan game treasure hunt nya kok seperti seru ikutan semacam pokemon go + amazing race sabandungeun gitu kan, tapi aplikasinya entah kenapa bahkan gabisa sign up. Tanya ke panitianya tapi ndak dijawab-jawab :( Yasudahlah gapapa mungkin karena baru acara pertama yes, jadinya masih banyak evaluasinya. Pokoknya, tetep seneng. Dengan Rp 150.000,- udah bisa nyanyi  + joged + jejingkrakan. Seperti tidak ada beban meski hanya beberapa jam :')


Meskipun Mocca gak banyak bawain lagunya hiks. Tapi terbayar dengan penampilan Sheila on 7 di acara puncaknya. Gak desek-desekan pula (ini penting banget buat rakyat liliput kek W). Seinget gue ini beberapa lagu yang mereka bawain: Hujan Turun; Seberapa Pantas; Itu Aku; J.A.P.; Dan; Bila Kau Tak Di Sampingku; Yang Terlewatkan; Hari Bersamanya; Lapang Dada; Film Favorit; Melompat Lebih Tinggi. HUHU SENEEEEEEEEEENG.

Baydewey lagi, cewek berkerudung ini namanya Larissa Chairunnisa Utari. Kenal doi pas kuliah. Temen fakultas eh terus sejurusan. #BatakPride. Jill of all trades--segalanya dikerjain. Miss D-I-Y. Geratakan. Bilang gue gabisa diem? Oh dia ini lebih gabisa diem lagi wkwkwk. Ngeriks bet kalo lagi disupirin doi di Medan, supir angkot sama becak motor aja kalah :( Ada-ada aja juga kegoblogannya yang gak jarang bikin orang-orang, terutama gue, ngakak sejadi-jadinya. Lof yu, Lar. Sukses bisnisnya. Lancar semuanya yang dikerjain. Semoga kita berdua kesampean jadi menteri nanti. Ada amin? =D


July 12, 2018

Kenapa Aku Masih Hidup?

Maaf.
Kata yang belum sempat aku ucapkan padamu saat itu.
Pun sempat kuucapkan, kemungkinan besar kamu tidak mengerti.
Kamu masih terlalu kecil saat itu terjadi.
Nak, harapan utamaku bukan agar kamu bisa memaafkanku.
Karena aku sadar betul itu akan sulit sekali.
Hanya saja aku harap kamu tahu.
Bahwa aku, Ibumu, selalu menginginkan segala yang terbaik untukmu dengan caraku. Selalu.
Aku harap ketika kamu dewasa nanti kamu mengerti apa yang kumaksud dengan caraku.
Dan tolong, jangan pernah sekalipun kamu tanyakan judul tulisan ini pada dirimu sendiri.

A|A

Terinspirasi oleh kejadian bom bunuh diri 2018 di Surabaya dengan 1 anak perempuan pelaku yang selamat.
You carry on, little girl. :')

July 10, 2018

I'm Important

“But everybody has exactly the same smiling frightened face, with the look that says: "I'm important. If you only get to know me, you will see how important I am. Look into my eyes. Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.”

- Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

June 20, 2018

Kue Sagu

Mari kesini, mampirlah sebentar saja.
Sudah lama kita tidak bertukar cerita.
Aku akan bercerita tentang hidupku yang sedang tak menentu.
Dan kau akan bercerita tentang betapa indahnya surga itu.
Setuju?

___

Tulisan singkat ini berasal dari percakapan saya beberapa hari yang lalu dengan Ibu saya,

"Ma, ini kue sagu dari siapa? Aku makan ya!"
"Dari Dea (re: Ibunya Dea). Iya buka aja."

Singkat cerita, Dea adalah salah satu teman baik saya di komplek perumahan, yang meninggal dunia 3 tahun lalu karena sebuah penyakit autoimun. Seketika sayapun langsung merasa rindu.

Terimakasih, Tuhan.
Aku kembali diingatkan
untuk menghargai orang-orang tersayang
yang raganya masih ada sampai sekarang.

A|A

June 8, 2018

Analogi Penjumlahan Sederhana

Sudah terlalu jauh kah pendidikan yang kau tempuh,
atau terlalu tinggi kah yang sudah kau raih,
hingga kau lupa bahwa
satu ditambah satu sama dengan dua.
A|A

May 15, 2018

If I Was A Love Poet



 I love you the same way I learned how to ride a bike; scared but reckless.

Depression Is Funny Like That


My depression doesn't ask for much, but when it does, it's asking for something I cannot give. It's just me asking for something I cannot give.

May 11, 2018

Things You Need to Know Before Dating Me


Don't you dare try and 'figure me out'. Too many people have claimed they can read me like a book, and then they went and put me on a shelf.

May 9, 2018

"Not Good Enough"

Seorang teman: "Fi, I don't think I'm good enough for him."

Saya: (menghela napas) "You DON'T get to decide whether or not you're good enough for someone. Period."

April 29, 2018


I can’t believe I gave you the power to ruin myself all over again.

March 25, 2018

Maybe you shouldn't have bothered in the first place, and I really shouldn't have let my guards down.

March 23, 2018

Honest Confessions on Letting Go


I'm sorry I have not yet forgotten how to find you beautiful.
I'm trying. 
 

January 1, 2018

That One Day When You Feel Most Loved.

...Apalagi kalau bukan hari ulangtahun?

***

Ulangtahun Desember kemarin agak sedikit beda aja gitu menurut gue. Rata-rata orang-orang yang ngasih ucapan tuh thoughtful gituloh. Wkwkwkwk I hope they did mean it sih...sedih aja beb kalo engga. :(

Saking senengnya gue sampe screenshot-in ucapan orang-orang yang paling bisa ngambil hati gue (Berhubung saya anaknya awet bener nih ngejomblo, harus pinter-pinter bikin diri sendiri seneng, ya khaaan...). I would like to share it here, tapi kok ya udah ngantuk banget ya sekarang... besok ajadeh ya... *lah berasa lagi ngepost di twitter ceu?!* HAHAHA

August 11, 2017

Let Go of The Burden, Darling.

Maybe you meant to hurt me and felt like it would help you feel better; you tried to be a good person but just couldn’t figure it out. 
Maybe you just needed a friend but didn’t know how to be one. 
Maybe life got out of control. 
Maybe you were hurt and didn’t know how to say something or thought I wouldn’t understand. 
Maybe I didn’t know the whole story or reacted in a way that made things worse for you.

I’m sorry and I hope things change for you. I hope you learn about love and real goodness. That someday someone shows you what I couldn’t. The present is the only moment I am guaranteed and I want to spend it wishing good things for you instead of being bitter and constantly asking “why”. Life is just too short.

Someday, perhaps in another lifetime, we’ll say hello over coffee. 

August 2, 2017

It's not the breakup that hurts, it's everything after.

It's when I go to my regular coffee shop (which happens to be our favorite), on a regular day, ordering my regular menu, and while in the queue I unintentionally start to remember you, us. Your regular menu. The reason why it is your favorite one. How we liked to guess whether the barista would spell your name correctly or not  this time. And then all of a sudden my eyes get teary easily.

It's when I try to think where we went wrong, on those sleepless nights.
(You know our mutual friends like to ask that one question. And I can't come up with the best answer until now.)

Hey, I never got to ask you this, would you tell me where we went wrong?

***

It's when all the flashback starts.

Do you remember this one dinner, when we saw a couple arguing over something, the girl seemed upset and the guy tried to apologize, I wasn't so sure but they were definitely not in a good term. And then we laughed and I joked about us being on that couple's situation someday. "When will it be our turn? What will it be about?" Little did we know our turn was 6 months later.

It's when I go to every places you took me with, which always successfully reminds me of you.

It's when I have to pretend that it didn't hurt me as much because you did not seem to look "hurt", so that people would not see me as this pathetic ex girlfriend. I want to be the 'cool' kind of an ex.

It's when I spend an hour or two to just looking at our old pictures, remembering all the good memories and I know I can't prevent myself to not remember all the bad ones as well. 

It's when I want to tell you SO bad about how much you actually hurt me. How you did things you promised you wouldn't do/be. How you made me now having such trust issues. But when I look at you, when I really look into your eyes and is so close to tell you, I see this person who contributed the happiest days of my life, and I just couldn't spill it out. I thought it wouldn't make things better even if I did, so I changed the subject right away. Or maybe, it's just me who doesn't want to believe you'd hurt me that way.

It's wondering whether you still remember things you got the chance to learn about me or not, because damn, I still do. And does your heart break a little when you do?

It's those times where I can't help but thinking, "did it ever occur to you just how I much you make me feel worthless?"

It's those times me asking myself if your tears on that day were real or not.

It's the moment when I decided to say no, because I can't risk another goodbye.

***

It's when I realize that the pain does not lessen within time. At least not after these 2 years.

July 26, 2017

The Girl Who Hates Talking About Themselves

"What scares you about this?"

"I don't know, I suppose it's because I had a shit day at work and usually I would just want to go home and crawl into bed and cry and order pizza in and watch sad movies, but you make me want to talk about my day and what happened and why it was so bad and, for somebody who hates talking about themselves, that's fucking terrifying, you know? Finding someone you want to talk to, like really talk to, it's scary because you don't know how long they'll bother listening."

July 13, 2017

My Dream Wedding

There must come a time for a girl to think about her own dream wedding. And mine, just happened to be tonight.

(Sebenernya yang gue pikirin lebih ke resepsinya sih, karena akad ya bakal gitu-gitu ajalah yang penting calon suami gue lancar ngucapin ijab kabulnya HAHAHA.)

That giant tree with those hanging lights. Oh my.



Yep, I have this thing with lightssssss!
 ...for my future Mother in law. :'D

And you can NOT forget about the wedding playlist!

  1. How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) - Marvin Gaye
  2. At Last - Etta James
  3. Marry Your Daughter - BRKN RBTZ
  4. This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) - Natalie Cole
  5. Cherry Wine - Hozier
  6. Here, There, And Everywhere - The Beatles
  7. Marry Me - Train
  8. You And Me - Lifehouse
  9. Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
  10. Better Together - Jack Johnson
  11. Perfect - Ed Sheeran
  12. Close Your Eyes - Michael Buble
  13. You're Still The One - Shania Twain
  14. Marry You - Bruno Mars
  15. I Do - Colbie Caillat
  16. Your Song - Elton John
  17. How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
  18. Make You Feel My Love - Adele
  19. Everything I Do (I Do It For You) - Bryan Adams
  20. Die A Happy Man - Thomas Rett
  21. I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
  22. September Song - JP Cooper
  23. Honeymoon - Johnny Stimson
  24. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
  25. Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
  26. Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran
  27. From This Moment - Shania Twain
  28. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars
  29. Endless Love - Diana Ross
  30. More Than Words - Extreme
  31. Let's Fall In Love - Diana Krall
  32. Overjoyed - Stevie Wonder
  33. The Way You Look Tonight - Tony Bennett
  34. Eternal Flame - The Bangles
  35. This I Promise You - *NSYNC
  36. End Of The Road - Boyz II Men
  37. Everytime I Close My Eyes - Babyface
  38. Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion
  39. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
  40. Not A Bad Thing - Justin Timberlake
  41. My Everything - Ariana Grande
  42. (the list will keep on updating until my wedding day)

Note to self: Dear Future Me, you have to compromise this dream wedding of yours with your fiance!