Wednesday, August 2, 2017
It's when I go to my regular coffee shop (which happens to be our favorite), on a regular day, ordering my regular menu, and while in the queue I unintentionally start to remember you, us. Your regular menu. The reason why it is your favorite one. How we liked to guess whether the barista would spell your name correctly or not this time. And then all of a sudden my eyes get teary easily.
It's when I try to think where we went wrong, on those sleepless nights.
(You know our mutual friends like to ask that one question. And I can't come up with the best answer until now.)
Hey, I never got to ask you this, would you tell me where we went wrong?
It's when all the flashback starts.
Do you remember this one dinner, when we saw a couple arguing over something, the girl seemed upset and the guy tried to apologize, I wasn't so sure but they were definitely not in a good term. And then we laughed and I joked about us being on that couple's situation someday. "When will it be our turn? What will it be about?" Little did we know our turn was 6 months later.
It's when I go to every places you took me with, which always successfully reminds me of you.
It's when I have to pretend that it didn't hurt me as much because you did not seem to look "hurt", so that people would not see me as this pathetic ex girlfriend. I want to be the 'cool' kind of an ex.
It's when I spend an hour or two to just looking at our old pictures, remembering all the good memories and I know I can't prevent myself to not remember all the bad ones as well.
It's when I want to tell you SO bad about how much you actually hurt me. How you did things you promised you wouldn't do/be. How you made me now having such trust issues. But when I look at you, when I really look into your eyes and is so close to tell you, I see this person who contributed the happiest days of my life, and I just couldn't spill it out. I thought it wouldn't make things better even if I did, so I changed the subject right away. Or maybe, it's just me who doesn't want to believe you'd hurt me that way.
It's wondering whether you still remember things you got the chance to learn about me or not, because damn, I still do. And does your heart break a little when you do?
It's those times where I can't help but thinking, "did it ever occur to you just how I much you make me feel worthless?"
It's those times me asking myself if your tears on that day were real or not.
It's the moment when I decided to say no, because I can't risk another goodbye.
It's when I realize that the pain does not lessen within time. At least not after these 2 years.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
"What scares you about this?"
"I don't know, I suppose it's because I had a shit day at work and usually I would just want to go home and crawl into bed and cry and order pizza in and watch sad movies, but you make me want to talk about my day and what happened and why it was so bad and, for somebody who hates talking about themselves, that's fucking terrifying, you know? Finding someone you want to talk to, like really talk to, it's scary because you don't know how long they'll bother listening."
Thursday, July 13, 2017
There must come a time for a girl to think about her own dream wedding. And mine, just happened to be tonight.
(Sebenernya yang gue pikirin lebih ke resepsinya sih, karena akad ya bakal gitu-gitu ajalah yang penting calon suami gue lancar ngucapin ijab kabulnya HAHAHA.)
|That giant tree with those hanging lights. Oh my.|
|Yep, I have this thing with lightssssss!|
|...for my future Mother in law. :'D|
And you can NOT forget about the wedding playlist!
- How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) - Marvin Gaye
- At Last - Etta James
- Marry Your Daughter - BRKN RBTZ
- This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) - Natalie Cole
- Cherry Wine - Hozier
- Here, There, And Everywhere - The Beatles
- Marry Me - Train
- You And Me - Lifehouse
- Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
- Better Together - Jack Johnson
- Perfect - Ed Sheeran
- Close Your Eyes - Michael Buble
- You're Still The One - Shania Twain
- Marry You - Bruno Mars
- I Do - Colbie Caillat
- Your Song - Elton John
- How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
- Make You Feel My Love - Adele
- Everything I Do (I Do It For You) - Bryan Adams
- Die A Happy Man - Thomas Rett
- I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
- September Song - JP Cooper
- Honeymoon - Johnny Stimson
- Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
- Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
- Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran
- From This Moment - Shania Twain
- Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars
- Endless Love - Diana Ross
- More Than Words - Extreme
- Let's Fall In Love - Diana Krall
- Overjoyed - Stevie Wonder
- The Way You Look Tonight - Tony Bennett
- Eternal Flame - The Bangles
- This I Promise You - *NSYNC
- End Of The Road - Boyz II Men
- Everytime I Close My Eyes - Babyface
- Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion
- The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
- Not A Bad Thing - Justin Timberlake
- My Everything - Ariana Grande
- (the list will keep on updating until my wedding day)
Note to self: Dear Future Me, you have to compromise this dream wedding of yours with your fiance!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
IF we break up, I want closure.
None of this bitter high school mentality that usually follows after someone leaves.
I want a long talk about what went wrong, why we couldn't fix it, and how we'll move on afterward.
I want to know how I made you feel and what thought-process led you to the decision you're making.
Because if I spent a fraction of my life devoted to loving you, you can't expect me to let you go without any explanation as to why you're going in the first place.
If I love you, there will always be a piece of me that loves you.
So let's talk it through and forgive each other.
Neither of us are perfect and we're both still learning how to love.
And that's okay, it is.
But instead of seeing each other the next day and awkwardly pretending we weren't anything at all, let's forgive each other now and move on. Make peace.