What's birthday without the presence of people you love?

Ya Allah, jangan pernah biarin aku nyerah.

OSKM ITB 2013

This gave me goosebumps.

Taylor Swift's Most Emotional Live Performance

The hardest thing to do is to write about how you feel when you're trying to forget someone. Because, a lot of the time you can't even know how you feel. And...all your thoughts just get so scrambled up, that you sit there trying to figure out how to forget someone and you end up doing instead; is remembering absolutely everything from beginning to end because when something's really wonderful and it ends...everything about it, you just remember it all too well, you know?

All Too Well

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,
And you still got it in your drawer even now.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.

We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,

And I can picture it after all these days.

And I know it's long gone,

And that magic's not here no more,

And I might be okay,

But I'm not fine at all.

'Cause there we are again on that little town street.

You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.

Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed

And your mother's telling stories about you on the tee ball team

You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.

And I know it's long gone

And there was nothing else I could do

And I forget about you long enough

To forget why I needed to...

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.

We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light

Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,

And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me

You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

"Some of you out there has made some decisions recently to leave somebody that you love, thought loved you, thinks still loves you, and you still can't find a way to work it out. And if you done it three days ago then you're still on the straight and now. But if you done it three weeks ago, it's getting tough. It's getting tough to hold on 'cause those dreams are coming in, yeah. Things happen you want to tell the other person about, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, then you start getting dreams where they're cool. You wake up like 'Oh, I think they're actually cool.' Nah, that's just dreams messing with you, all right. So, a lot of people here are trying to stick to their guns. But it's getting harder and harder not to write back. 'Cause when you resist, they persist. That's just how it goes, right? But I'm here to tell you that you're not psychotic. You are not crazy, you're just lonely, and loneliness is a hell of a drug. Loneliness is a hell of a drug. So I'm here to take over your brain for a moment if that's how you actually feel and remind you; do NOT have contact. Do not have contact, I don't care how lonely you get. Loneliness is part of it, right? You'll be lonely, but I know you'll be OK. 'Cause good love is on the way. So when that blackberry goes off, or that iPhone goes 'brrrfff brrrffff' and it is who you think it is; turn it over and go back to bed, and sing yourself a little lullaby."

 -John Mayer

Self-Awakening

I've come to a point where I think it's time to move on. I have given my all. I loved with all that I had and enjoyed every second I ever spent with you. But it's time I find the closure I need.

I've done things in life that I will never regret. We shared memories that no one in this world can ever replace. I have no regrets with the memories we have shared. You will always have a piece of my heart and I know I will have a piece of yours too.

Who knows what the future holds. Who knows if we will ever have that beach house with kids and pets. Who knows if we will never see each other again. Who knows if we'll become the best of friends. We don't know. But what I do know is that if you have moved on, then so can I.

I'm not going to let the past control my present. I have to keep moving forward and keep living my life. I have to keep myself focused on my dreams and my goals.

Thank you for loving me and showing me how two people can care so much for each other. Thank you for being my first love.

But I need to get my life together so I can be the best person that I can be. I love you but I need to do my own thing now because I love myself more.

Pretty much says it all.

Is It A Mistake or Is It Not?

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say, "yep, that was a mistake." - How I Met Your Mother

If You Really Loved Her

If you really loved her, you wouldn't let her hanging around.

If you really loved her, you wouldn't keep her up all night thinking where she went wrong that you were so mad at her you didn't even want to talk to her.

If you really loved her, you wouldn't leave her in confusion.

If you really loved her, you wouldn't make her doubt your love.

If you really loved her, you wouldn't intentionally avoid her call.

If you really loved her, you wouldn't give up on her. THAT fast.

___

But you didn't really love her, did you?

You didn't return her call(s).

You didn't fight for her even after she did for you.

So you didn't really love her.
___

Because if you did, you wouldn't have had done the things I mentioned above.

Bel? Kok? Bel? :*

Kenalin, namanya Bella Budi Lestari. Biasa dipanggil Bella. Lahirnya tanggal 15 April 1995 di rumah sakit yang punya nama hampir sama kayak namanya, yakni Rumah Sakit Budi Lestari. (If you're asking why on earth her parents were 'too creative' to give a name to their very first child, believe me, I did too.) Untungnya Twilight belum heboh waktu itu, jadi nama 'Bella' pasti murni hasil pemikiran orangtuanya. Eh, bisa jadi 'Bella' itu nama suster atau dokternya sih. HAHAHAHA! Lol :P Uniknya, hal tentang orangtuanya itu gak berlaku sama sekali ke anak sulung dari tiga bersaudara yang satu ini. Iya, doi anaknya kreatif abis. Artsy cell runs in her blood, kalau boleh diumpamakan. Gak paham lagi dah sama imajinasinya, mungkin doi sering nge-gaul bareng Spongebob dan Patrick.

Sekedar flashback, pertama kali kenalan sama Bella itu di angkot pas mau daftar ulang SMA. Singkatnya, baru sekelas sama doi pas kelas XII ini. Dan langsunglah jadi chairmate. :D

FYI, Bella ini pelajar yang punya sejuta kesibukan di luar duduk manis mantengin pelajarin di kelas. OSIS lah, FKOJT lah, belum lagi ekskul mading yg diketuainya, project buku tahunan (which as you know; time-consuming banget), ini itu macem-macem kayak nano-nano. Gw pun jadi sering duduk sendiri karena ditinggalin doi. Demen banget doodling anaknya. Bikin doodles nama anak-anak kelas, free of charge; checked. Bantuin temen-temen bikin kado-kado anniversary atau ulangtahun gitu; checked triple times. Entah ramuan apa dari orang pinter mana yang dia minum sampe dia, by far, gak pernah ngeluh berlebihan.

Cewek yang suka buwanget sama group band Mocca ini gak jarang bikin gw amazed oleh ceritanya mengenai dunia luar. Bener-bener dikasih a whole different perspective. Beda pendapat wajar terjadi, tapi at the end of the day we're back on the same page gitu deh! haha :D

Ini cewek juga suka banget ngejutin gw. Contohnya: 1) dia dulu pernah ngasih recording ke gw puisi tentang kuda gitu, just because she pays attention enough that I LOVE horses. 2) waktu gw pernah gak masuk pas lagi try out, doi pernah sempet-sempetnya bikin ini:

I don't know what it is that makes her a 'different' chair mate, but I think everyone deserves one who is as thoughtful as her. :)

Here's to your 18th birthday, mate. To the 17-years amazing life journey you had, to every goals you have achieved along the way, to all dreams you're pursuing, and to the incredible years ahead!

Semoga sehat selalu, bahagia terus, dilancarkan segala urusannya, makin dewasa, makin canggih nge-handle ini itu, dijauhi oleh useless scumbags, langgeng sama Ucupnya atau siapapun itu nantinya jodoh elo, makin bad less dah pokoknya, Bel! wkwkwkwk :P

Udah beberapa minggu terakhir gw mikirin mau ngasih apa ke elo, something unique gitcuw, tapi hasilnya niil. Gw mikir kado dari gw gak akan bisa se-kreatif elo dan jatohnya bakal jadi fail gitu kan. Ya masa gw minta bikinin hand-made gift ke elo buat dikasih ke elo juga, jayus kan. Jadi, soridoristoberi bgt nih Bel gw gak bisa ngasih sesuatu se-kreatif kayak yang suka lo bikin ke orang-orang. Cuman tulisan ecek-ecek ini yang bisa gw kasih ke elo. Tapi harus lo tau gw bikinnya dengan sepenuh cintaaa. :3

Selamat Mengulang Tahun yang Ke-18, Bella Budi Lestari. :*

P.S: THANK YOU FOR BEING AN ASTOUNDING FRIEND OF MINE!

Love, Afia.